F*k it. i am not good on that atm. iam just write whatever the word come out of my mind. that's it

funny? idk. just imagine helping friend with a suicidal thought when i still screwed up, its like trying to help solve a problem that actually my problem too. ah, i know. my word is screwed up..... iam trying to help friend to dont give up, to keep believing in his self that he can do it, that he can get trough all of this when myself struggle with my the same problem? well, its not really the same. but the core of it just a same way. the solution is the same, in a big line.

i dont know much thing, i dont know what will happen next, like where will i be i know, i hace control issue. i was, always have a plan. but what i realize is, that all of them isnt really 100%what i wanted. cause i simply wanted ppl to seeing me, and saying that you are amazing, you r cool, and other thing. but now i realize why my plan didnt work out.. cause its not what i need. lets be happy anytime, when u falling in love u cant sleep and finally that time u realize ur reality is better than dreams.. i know, i am not dreaming anymore. but that's the thing, i need a dream. that i fight for it. whatever what ppl will say. we have a limitless power, we can be whatever we want, as long we willing to pay to be what we always dreaming about. what i always want is just simply writing reading, the way i enter a new world on the book is really amaze me. the thirsty, that feeling never gone. hoping too drinking more story. i think, i love when my heart is strong like a ste...

He came from the worst region, Joining the worst team, Using the worst weapon, He became the worst legend. Coming Soon, The Worst Legend - Myth Project

If u want to get something, u must sacrifice something. the only why we can gain its to sacrificing. the bigger u want, the bigger sacrifice u need to make. but the bigger sacrifice u make doesnt mean the bigger u will gain. its not work that way. cause sometimes ur sacrifices is priceless. so be carefull with ur choice. u cant rewind time my friend. Coming Soon, Story of The Librarians ~Immortal Project

Something that i scared most. Promise. Something that i have broke so many times. Icant make a new one. But i can pulfill one. One thing, I will never give up. Wait, Watch. I will become one i wanted to become. if ur dream doesnt scared u it means ur dream is not big enough. 2022, the year i will be able to speak Arabic, Japanese and ofc English.           the year when i will become someone that i always dreaming about. Believe me. I will.

Selama hidupnya dia hanya berlari, terus berlari. Sekalipun tak pernah dia hadapi. perlariannya hanya memberi penyesalan yang makin menjadi. ribuan kali dia mencoba berhenti tapi entah kenapa dia tak bisa. nafsu dahaga akan kenikmatan membuatnya tetap berlari. terlalu lama dia hidup tak terkendali. Dia tahu. Seharusnya semenjak dulu dia hadapi, tak perlu berlari. waktu bertahun tahun itu bisa menjadi waktu terbaik baginya. tapi itu semua hanya menjadi muara penyesalan tak berarti. tak berarti jika terus berlari. dia hanya perlu berhenti. Memulai kembali. tak ada yang salah jika benar-benar mencoba. dia hanya berangan-angan akan saat yang indah tanpa pernah mencari cara tuk memetiknya. tak ada kata terlambat selama nyawa masih diraga, mimpi masih bisa dicapai. dia hanya perlu berhenti. Berhenti. Berlaripun tak pernah menyelesaikan apa-apa. hanya menambah sesal di hati yang tak pernah diobati. Hadapi seperti prajurit gagah berani. walau mati tapi kau telah mencoba, itu yang bera...

feel like idk what to do? no oknow what to do, whats ur goal then? i must be myself again, be myself be my self. be a person u always dreaming about, be him. u know that u can. i can even if in the end i didnt be that person entirely, np as long god knew that i have do anything i can to my limit to be that person. at least i try and fail, if i never fail its mean i never try. cause whatever happen, be a believer, u will always win even when u r losing. 

ya i do have a hardisk, fill with 200+ anime title, from 2018? idk idc, i know, ofc i havent watch all that anime, noooo, only 10-20 titles. i stopped watching that sh** same time when i am not writing anymore. more like i cant take the feeling,curiosty that i can fell to that anime i watch, cause i always fell like iam the mc? idk, i just really cant face another scene like that, that feeling,. really scared me , remembering me from my past, what i did, my sin, my pain, what trouble and lie i have make .. i know, no one will read this, always be me, only me. np iam lonely? actually no, just i dot=nt have enough faith, ya, cause god always there, look after me, love me, i always wanted to be a person that can let it out his feeling honesty. i wanted to cry, ido romance? ya,. one thing must believe if no one loved u in this world, dont worry cause god always love u if no one there beside u, dont worry god always beside u, dont scare if ppl know ur dark secret, u...

yea, i stop doing something productive and wasted 3 years!? for what? nothing? resign from college twice? for what ? go to japan? study there? but happen now? starting a business? nothing, nothing worked out cause i even didnt do anything or even try to accomplish any of that goal. fck me, what do i think? idk, i lost myself a years ago, trying to figure out what i want to do, do what i was passioned about. sfdjkfasn pf dfckckckckckckckckckckckckckckckckcfkckfkcfkcfkfkfkcfkckfkcfkkckcfkfkfkfkfkcfk idk, if u have a goal/dream, but u never even try anything to make it come true, then thats only a imagination, hallucination, change? to? no, not change, i just need to come back to the real me, me memememememememememe dont care what ppl thinking, do somthing, start it nown aownawona3'o

one thing that i didnt do, for sure. i never share this blog to ppl, ya maybe a couple time but thats it. no more just wanting to fckng write something, cut it out, ijust quit from playing a game online that i have played very seriously. really? idc... lmao neither do i, like i said, i just want to write. thats all idont care about ppl, will they see this?read this? this blog? fckd it up, just letting out my feel. why not? just called its my online diary, lol iam not writing a diary anymore, almost 2 years now. and i really screwed up than before. u know free writing? its mean just fckng write, dont thinking about editing ur word,.. just write anything that r in ur thought. no exceptation, just write it. its a free writing. good for mental health, ya just like i do right now, listening to a youtube music or something., couldnt careless about a quota of my net,, u dont need atopic, theme. is not a like creating story, its just simple writing,, free writing, what u ...